Monday, August 11, 2014

Overcoming food addiction.

As a child growing up, I witnessed first hand what 
alcohol and drugs can do to the people you care about. 
Your told not to drink, smoke or do drugs because it is bad for you. 
Yes these are real addictions and what is sad is I new this, but never once realized how true this 
was for food until just a few years back…. Okay things are going to get real so hold on tight.

I was a typically teenager who started to drink for fun way younger than I care to admit. 
It was just for fun for a while. While visiting me at college, my grandmother passed away in my apartment. I can remember the exact moment that my drinking for fun became a problem. 

It was no longer fun. I no longer drank occasionally with friends or had to be with anyone to do it.
I would drink a lot alone, at a bar, by the pool, at the beach, on a boat, 
in the bathtub, before work, in my car. 
And no this doesn't end like a cute Dr. Seuss book. I would drink all the time anytime of the 
day until I would black out. I would not know where I was or who I was with. 

It is simply a miracle that God decided to keep me safe and around. I learned how to function as a drunk. Heck, I was even fun most of the time. But you know when it gets real?
When people stop wanting to be around you. I pushed away family. 
I would start fights with people I loved and during the time when I should have been 
spending the most time with my daddy who was dying with cancer. I was drinking.

Thankfully, God sent me an amazing man who pulled me out of the bottle I was drowning myself in.
And boy did he send him at just the right time. Literally 6 months before the hardest thing I had ever went through in my life. Losing my daddy to cancer. 

I had another very rough 6 months after I lost my daddy. Where I was farther away form everyone I loved and who loved me then I have ever been. Then I almost lost the man who I loved more than anyone in my life. I watched a dear friend die in the lay brain dead in a hospital bed from drinking and driving. It took a lot to jerk me out of this awful time. But once this happened I had no other choice than to wake up and quit the nonsense.

I started finding my way out of my alcohol addiction. 
Not once did I realize I was replacing it with a food addiction until years later. 
7 years later, 2 children,  almost 80 pounds heavier and I finally realized how much food controls me.

So here I am still fighting food daily. I give in way more than I would like to. 
I am weaker way more than I feel strong. 

But, here is the thing. I am still pushing forward. I am working on becoming healthier one day at a time.

It amazes me how easy I can cave still.
 Especially seeing the results I am seeing since I started just 2 1/2 short months ago. 
I think that makes it harder sometimes though, it's like I justify how good I am doing so I reward myself with pizza, or a cheeseburger, or french fries! I mean seriously how in my delusion mind is that a reward?! I am just putting myself in the same situation as before.
 I know I am human and that eating stuff like that in moderation is okay. 

But when did that just become okay? Why is putting that stuff in our bodies okay? 
Why am I allowing myself to be so unhealthy that I am risking a heart attack or risking losing time with my children? Why is food addiction pushed under the rug so much when it can be just as bad as 
any other addiction we over indulge in?! 

This post is not to make anyone feel bad but to do the exact opposite. 
When you are struggling know that what you are going through is a real issue. 
You are not the only one who feels this way and goes through this. 
Try and look deeper. Why do you really "NEED" those cookies? 
That pizza, that cheeseburger? 

Finding your starting point and begin there. Take it one day at a time.
Work through your issues mentally and then push yourself. 
Workout, cut the crap from your diet, find people who motivate you. 

Do it for you. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you.

You are better than that cheeseburger. 
Remember that! 

Ashley M 

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