Sunday, January 22, 2012

Looking Back

Losing a love one never gets easier. Sometimes it doesn't seem to hurt as bad as others. Then something reminds you of them.
A Scent, a flower, the weather, a bird, a certain season...
It doesn't have to be anything in particular and it can cause a rush of emotions to come streaming back. Well today it was a certain day and it would have been my daddy's 52nd birthday.
It still doesn't seem real that he has been gone for four years. I think of him often and as the years have went by I smile when I think of him instead of cry, but I guess all the extra momma hormones got to me today.
As I was rocking my son to sleep tonight and humming to him as I often do I started crying.
My daddy would have been so proud to be able to enjoy his grandson! To take him camping, fishing, hiking, to carry him around on his shoulders. I could picture them doing all of these things together as I rock my son to sleep and I cried not just because I miss him, but because thinking of these things made me happy.
Clayton may not get to do these things with his grandpa in this life.
But he will know what a great man he was and how he was the best man I have ever known and one day he will get to meet this man, his grandfather.
I am thankful for every minute I got to spend with my daddy.
Every lesson he taught me.
Every time he got on to me for something I did wrong.
Looking back I am thankful for all of these things because it made me the woman I am today.
I hope one day that my son and family can say the same things about me.

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