Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My big plans!!?

Nothing. Yep you heard that right for the duration of my pregnancy. I am to do nothing.
My doctor appointment Monday didn't go as planned. 
We found that I am dilating already at just 31 weeks and my cervix is soft.
So I am sure you guessed it, this mean Strict Bed Rest.
For all of you wondering. I can only get up to go to the bathroom and
to every couple days take a quick 5 to 10 minute shower! Nothing else.
Of course as soon as the doctor told me I was already dilating the tears start flowing.

As a mother even when your pregnant you feel helpless when you find out
 your baby may be in danger. I mean he isn't ready to come yet. 
He needs time to grow and develop more.

Then when the doctor told me strict bed rest. I was a sobbing mess!
Yes I will do whatever I have to in keeping my baby safe.
However all these "But's" start running through my head.
But I have so much to do before the baby gets here.
But I have a 19 month old how do I manage bed rest? 
But I have to clean.
But I have to cook.
But I have to do laundry.
But I have to take care of my family...

How do you do all of this while on bed rest?
Well we had to find a sitter for our son while my husband works 
Since we didn't have anyone that could come and sit with us and help out.
My Aunt is amazing enough to pick my son up when he wakes and 
take him to the sitter on her way to work. Then hubby picks him up when he gets off.

My Wonderful, Amazing, Sweet, Caring hubby comes home from 
working a 10 sometimes longer day and cooks us dinner, cleans, takes care of Clayton's
bedtime routine, get diaper bag ready for the next day and then puts our son to bed!

All while I do NOTHING. Just lay around feeling useless and awful
 for my dear husband because he is so tired. 
I am seriously crying again thinking about it!
I feel helpless.

On top of all of this all the extra time I was looking forward to 
with my son is now even less. The next 9 weeks was all we had left with him 
being our only child. That was time I wanted to prepare us all more.
Try to help him understand more about what is going to be happening.
To get as many extra cuddles. Playtime. Books. Mommy and Clayton time
as we possible could! You know all the extra stuff that will be shared
with another baby soon.

Trust me I know I am doing what is best for this little guy in my 
belly. It's just hard to not feel like I am letting my family down.

I am praying for the strength that I need to just get out of my head 
So I don't drive myself crazy!

Lots of praying. Reading. Journal writings. Devotional time and reconnecting with God.

Movies. Books. Design magazines. Drawing. List making.  

Here is me trying to be positive.
I know this is more a mental challenge then anything and I plan to beat it!! 

Here is to my view for the next 9 weeks,

No comments:

Post a Comment